


Let Me In

by MetaFiction (MeTaPhySics)



Category: DCU, Suicide Squad (2016), Suicide Squad - Fandom
Genre: Based on a True Story, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstood, Psychological, Self-Harm, True Love, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:45:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7818433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeTaPhySics/pseuds/MetaFiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harleen Quinzel has a facade of perfection. But Joker sees right through it. She let him in and Joker let her in.</p><p>Au prelude to Joker and Harley Quinn's romance infused with the experiences of my friend who wishes to anonymously get her story out there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me In

**Author's Note:**

> Before you judge me, I just want to say that by no means did I force my friend to let me incorporate her story to my fic. She was the one who approached me and told me that she'd like to get her story out there and get some people's feedback.

Harleen Quinzel before being known as Harley Quinn, has always been an outstanding student. She excelled almost at everything. Ever since she is a child, she’s been praised for being a good girl, for being so smart and pretty. It’s the only thing she’d known for a while. Even when she transferred schools, she still managed to remain being number 1, always. People admired her for her skills and talents, she’s a decent singer and dancer…she can also draw a bit. But these talents were never developed because she was always forced to focus on her studies.. compelled to win in competing at all kinds of quiz bees and contests. She is also a bit athletic, she was a badminton athlete but never really had the time to work herself to the ground...she wanted to but she got her hands full with stuff.

She was a bit chubby (the one thing that she kept bringing up..she doesn’t really care because she believes that beauty come in all shapes and sizes but it keeps her peers from hating  her and be less indifferent knowing that she has a flaw that she dreads..even though it’s not really fat but meat, she always weighs heavier than she seems, she’s surprisingly strong). However, she does always stress eats whenever things became too much to handle, whenever she feels crumbling under pressure, she simply cried, crying her eyes out without anyone knowing. Everyone really thinks she’s perfect and she did just that, she’d grown to feel the need to fufill everyone’s expectation. They think she’s perfect and she felt the need to be just that.

But everyone was getting indifferent to her as time passed by. All her efforts was never appreciated anymore..it was the one thing she wanted as a kid, to be praised but everyone just thought it’s a given and not fruits of all her efforts. She was a child and things are different from her perspective, she was always told she’s pretty but she has no idea how to tell if someone’s pretty or not, she didn’t develop any form of preference..no favorite food, no favorite color, no favorite anything. Whenever she was asked, she tell them white lies, she thinks it would be weird not having favorites, all her friends had one but she did not. She was getting worried, she is noticing how different she viewed the things in the world and she felt the need to fit in, it was natural at that age..wanting to fit in.

She was not that perfect though..every now and then her parents will correct her, telling her if she’s done something wrong or something not good. She was a child, one can say it’s normal, but for her it was the worst ever, horribly terrifying..hearing her mom get mad at her or disappointed even for a bit always struck a chord in her, making her stomach clench as knots seem to form. She’ll always just cry, of course without anyone noticing. Noone really noticed any of her suffering. Everyone thought that she is this perfect little girl living in her perfect little world and living a perfect little life.

 She has secrets though…she was a pretty young girl and it is bound to attract the attention of perverts and pedophiles. She had her encounters..she tried to tell her mom and others, she was terrified but tried to subtly imply it but no one still noticed..it was growing more difficult especially when a somehow but not really distant relative made a move on her. It was terrifying, she just froze with with tears forming in her eyes, she doesn’t want to tell the details but she managed to ran away before the penetration…still the ordeal was never any less terrifying for the child. She tried to tell but it was written off as a joke..she was at a loss but discovered a not so helpful talent along the way. She tried to forget about it..not a success but she managed to act normal even in the front of the perpetrator, as if she forgot all about it. She was good at it.. at acting. Noone suspected her even when they made her join a pageant (in which she won as the Queen) where she showcased her magnificent acting skills..crying on cue with her script like it was real..she did feel it though being able to cry in front of all those many audience made her feel like she was expressing herself..her never-noticed-suffering-self.

She was getting worried though, she’s smart enough to notice how diferrent she is becoming from everyone else and how everyone seems not to understand…she’ll sometimes tell stories about someone she knows (who is actually herself) to get feedback from people without them knowing that it is her. But the feedback was not nice..just some demeaning laughter and harsh comments. They said not having a favorite is dumb and stuff..all other topics and feedbacks were just the same. It made her sad.

 But she won’t give up. She decided to try and look at things as how others do. She wants friends, she wants to be closer to people. She tried all kinds of things for her little research…it was making her studies suffer a bit but she thinks it will be worth it. She still managed to graduate as valedictorian even in highschool. But everything started to change in college. She was still outstanding, passing her subjects with flying colors..but not that much of a prodigy she was. Her little research was going well though. She managed to make her self seem normal and not outrageously perfect..she managed to see things in a different light. She started to have preferences albeit not that strong. She was keeping up with her peers with conversations she never made sense of before. She was getting satisfied…but she was suffering. Having no praises or recognition is strangely driving her nuts. She thought she could do it with minimal effort, to excel without doing too much, just like how they believed she can and how they led her to believe. But when she decided that her research is already substantial, going back on top didn’t prove to be easy.

She knew it…her efforts are what made her a remarkable student in the past, other people just don’t get it. She was dreading her situation even when she got the highest score in their class from time to time, she’s not used to that little achievement. Other might find it odd or selfish but she can’t help it, she grew up differently and now she’s trying to see things from other’s perspectives. She didn’t want to be arrogant or cocky. She just wants to reach great heights and be liked. It was not a perfect plan though. Even though she is starting to see how other people’s mind work, she was taking time off studying present lessons and got kicked out of the program she’s in when she suddenly got ill and got a low grade even though she managed to pass it after spending weeks in the hospital. She managed to come back but she got kicked out again.

She regretted her actions, she wanted to regret her research but she is convinced that she won’t see things as she see them right now if not for that undertakings. She was actually more understanding now, seeing the point in others actions and experiencing failure herself. She became more appreciative but more sensitive to failure just the same.. She can feel her mind fall apart though. All these things happening without anyone understanding or noticing is driving her crazy. She doesn’t have anyone to talk about it. The topic is too good to be true for some and others find it simply selfish and simply a form of gloating. No one knew her suffering. It was different, it’s more psychological, and people usually only feel sympathy for physical and emotional pain, rarely psychological.

She dreaded things and attempted self-harm but only in subtle ways, she believed it won’t help but she tried anyway, she felt compelled to. She would repeatedly smash her head against her room’s wall when alone while making sure it’s not loud enough to be noticed. She would repeatedly prick her fingers with needles until it bleed but careful not to leave any marks that will make it obvious. She was thinking about cutting herself but the scar might be noticed so she chose the needle instead (this was despite her huge fear of injections..it was strange prickling herself with the needle..she was so terrified but it was distracting her so it’s good). Sometimes she would smash her hand against the sofa and hitting a hard frame making her hand swell, she thought one time that it might be fractured..it hurt like a bitch but healed in weeks without anyone really noticing so it’s fine. She sometimes thinks of just ending everything but  she found an anchor in faith and managed to keep her head on her shoulders, but she is really getting tired of it all and is getting suicidal. Noone understand her or even notice her pain, and even if she try to communicate it people just get the wrong idea. Her early life seems too perfect from the outside that it’s impossible to think that she is badly suffering or that something bad is behind the scenes. Noone can possibly understand her and she is not planning on telling her pedophile encounters to earn the sympathy she needed either. She is lost. She lost everything and is gaining technically nothing.

She lost the prestige of being a prodigy and the incentives and benefits from it, her talents and skills are getting dull and her research is not exactly fruitful. It is not the future she was thinking when she was young. She was expected to be more. When she figured out geometrical and other formulas on her own when she was young (without anyone teaching her or books to give her a hint), she was thrilled and convinced that she can do great in the future. But her situation right now is not exactly the great she imagined.

It all changed though when she got the internship at the Arkham Asylum though. She met a strange mind. Something very different from the rest, like hers. Someone who view the world differently from others, like her. Although they don’t exactly think alike, she felt a sense of belongingness and understanding from him. They are both the same in the sense that they are different from everyone. She was told to cure him and so she tried. She didn’t exactly saw it as curing him though, she dreaded the idea that someone who thinks differently is being labeled as ill, because if that’s the case then she might also be ill herself…but he’s a criminal and that’s just that. She’ll do it for the safety of other people. Then, she finally thought she was curing him, but she was falling for his charm. He managed to get out all the twisted ways in her mind. He managed to intensify her desire to be understood, something she yearned ever since she was a child. She is getting attached to him, she felt that this beautiful person’s strange mind might just be able to understand her, to see her suffering beneath all the facade and offer her something that nobody did. Understanding, sympathy and comfort. This person called The Joker might be just what she needs. She fell for her and gave him her all. She let the twisted part of her mind takeover, and for once she was happy for being so different, because it led her to Mr. J. She let him in and he let her in…and now she calls him Puddin’.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed and please feel free to comment anything. This friend of mine wanted some feedback for her so-called undertaking and also some insight. Thank you. Any comments will be greatly appreciated..anything. 
> 
> Btw, I moderated the comments on this work so that I'll be the only one who can read stuff that I think you do not intend to be public but I just approve everything else.


End file.
